第六章（第8/12页）

但孩子与之不同，康妮仍希望拥有自己的宝宝。这样的想法仍会让她激动不已。她打算从长计议，绝不草率行事。必须选择一个合适的男人，但奇怪的是，天底下居然找不到康妮中意的对象，让她心甘情愿地为之生子。米克的孩子！想想就觉得恶心！宁可跟一只兔子下崽！汤米·杜克斯？他人品极佳，但不知为何，总是难以把他跟孩子、跟下一代联系起来。这位仁兄宁愿孤独终老。至于克利福德为数众多的亲朋好友，想到其中一位将成为孩子的父亲，她就会觉得可鄙。有几位倒是挺适合做情人，甚至米克。但为他们产下后代！呸！想想就觉得羞耻又恶心。

So that was that!

仅此而已！

Nevertheless, Connie had the child at the back of her mind. Wait! Wait! She would sift the generations of men through her sieve, and see if she couldn't find one who would do. "Go ye into the streets and by ways of Jerusalem, and see if you can find a man." It had been impossible to find a man in the Jerusalem of the prophet, though there were thousands of male humans. But a MAN! C'EST UNE AUTRECHOSE!

尽管如此，康妮心底还是渴望拥有自己的孩子。等等！再等等！她要将这一代男人悉数筛选一遍，看看是否当真就没有合意的目标。“前往耶路撒冷的大街小巷，看看是否能够找到真正的男子汉。”在先知之城耶路撒冷，都找不到真正的男子汉，虽说男人倒是成千上万。但说到男子汉，可就是另外一码事！

She had an idea that he would have to be a foreigner: not an Englishman, still less an Irishman. A real foreigner.

她甚至想过找个外国人，既不是英国人，更不是爱尔兰人。真正的外国人。

But wait! Wait! Next winter she would get Clifford to London; the following winter she would get him abroad to the South of France, Italy. Wait! She was in no hurry about the child. That was her own private affair, and the one point on which, in her own queer, female way, she was serious to the bottom of her soul. She was not going to risk any chance comer, not she! One might take a lover almost at any moment, but a man who should beget a child on one...wait! Wait! It's a very different matter. "Go ye into the streets and byways of Jerusalem..." It was not a question of love; it was a question of a man. Why, one might even rather hate him, personally. Yet if he was the man, what would one's personal hate matter? This business concerned another part of oneself.

但等等！先等等！明年冬天，她会带克利福德去伦敦；后年冬天，她要带他去法国南部，去意大利。耐心等待！她并不着急要孩子。这是她的私事，身为女子的她有着独特的处理方式，在灵魂深处，她对于此事的态度极为慎重。她不会选择与露水情人生子，这不符合她的原则。共度春宵的对象随时都能找到，但与之诞下婴孩的异性……还是等等再说！再等等！这可是与众不同的大事。“前往耶路撒冷的大街小巷……”这件事并不涉及爱情，而关系到他是否是真正的男子汉。没错，或许私底下可能还恨他入骨。但如果他确实是如假包换的男子汉，个人恩怨又算得了什么呢？这并非个人的情感问题。

It had rained as usual, and the paths were too sodden for Clifford's chair, but Connie would go out. She went out alone every day now, mostly in the wood, where she was really alone. She saw nobody there.

阴雨连绵，路面湿滑，克利福德无法驾轮椅出行，但康妮却常常出门散步。现在，她每天都会独自外出，多数时间是去林中徜徉，在那里她真正体验到独处的感觉。不会被任何人打扰。

This day, however, Clifford wanted to send a message to the keeper, and as the boy was laid up with influenza, somebody always seemed to have influenza at Wragby, Connie said she would call at the cottage.

这天，克利福德要捎口信给守林人，但跑腿的小厮因患流感，卧床不起——拉格比似乎总有人与流感结缘，而康妮表示她愿意代劳。

The air was soft and dead, as if all the world were slowly dying. Grey and clammy and silent, even from the shuffling of the collieries, for the pits were working short time, and today they were stopped altogether. The end of all things!

空气轻柔凝滞，似乎整个世界都慢慢陷入濒死的境地。一切都灰暗阴郁，冰冷潮湿，寂静无声，甚至连几处煤矿都没有半点动静，原因是矿区缩短了工时，而今天更是干脆就没开工。世间万物都停止了运转！

In the wood all was utterly inert and motionless, only great drops fell from the bare boughs, with a hollow little crash. For the rest, among the old trees was depth within depth of grey, hopeless inertia, silence, nothingness.

林中万籁俱寂，只有大颗的水滴从光秃秃的枝桠上落下，发出微弱的声响。除此之外，古老的树林中只有那无穷无尽的灰暗，挥之不去的绝望，以及寂静和空虚。