第六章（第6/12页）

康妮前脚刚走，那老妪就忙不迭地跑到洗碗池旁，对着一块小镜子，端详起自己的脸来。看到鼻头的黑渍，她气急败坏地跺着脚。“她一准看见我的粗布围裙，还有脏兮兮的脸！她肯定把我当作笑柄！”康妮缓步向拉格比家中走去。“家！——这个词给那栋沉郁的大宅平添几分温暖。但如今，这个词已经过了时。不知何故被剔除了。康妮觉得，似乎所有美妙的字眼都与自己这代人绝缘：爱情，快乐，幸福，家庭，母亲，父亲，丈夫。所有这些生机盎然的绝佳词汇，现在都已半死不活，逐渐走向衰亡。家庭乃存身之地，爱情不容自欺，快乐用来形容热舞时的感受，幸福是蒙蔽他人的虚伪用词，父亲只懂享受自己的生活，丈夫与你同住一个屋檐下，又要你打起精神与他一起生活。至于性爱，所有伟大词汇的终结篇，不过是个牵强附会的字眼，用以形容某种亢奋的状态，它能瞬间将你送上快乐的巅峰，紧接着让你变得支离破碎，比以往更加不堪。一点点被磨碎！好像你是用最廉价材料做成的次品，只会逐渐被消磨殆尽，直到尸骨无存。

All that really remained was a stubborn stoicism: and in that there was a certain pleasure. In the very experience of the nothingness of life, phase after phase, Étape After Étape, there was a certain grisly satisfaction. So that's that! Always this was the last utterance: home, love, marriage, Michaelis: So that's that! And when one died, the last words to life would be: So that's that!

硕果仅存的只剩那难以摆脱的淡漠，而在其中能够品味到某种愉悦。空虚的生命之旅一段又一段，一程又一程，而体验到的是某种令人胆战心惊的满足感。仅此而已！这句话总作为演说的结语：家庭，爱情，婚姻，米凯利斯，仅此而已！寿终正寝时，留给人生的告别辞仍是：仅此而已！

Money? Perhaps one couldn't say the same there. Money one always wanted. Money, Success, the bitch-goddess, as Tommy Dukes persisted in calling it, after Henry James, that was a permanent necessity. You couldn't spend your last sou, and say finally: So that's that! No, if you lived even another ten minutes, you wanted a few more sous for something or other. Just to keep the business mechanically going, you needed money. You had to have it. Money you HAVE to have. You needn't really have anything else. So that's that!

金钱呢？或许只能另当别论。人生在世，总离不开金钱。金钱意味着成功，而成功则是汤米·杜克斯口中常提到的堕落女神，他借用了亨利·詹姆斯（注：1843-1916，美国小说家、评论家）的比喻。这些始终是人类需要的东西。花掉最后的铜板，用“仅此而已！”来给人生作结，没人能够做到这一点。这显然行不通，即使生命仅剩十分钟，还是需要更多的钱来做这做那。要使任何事有效地进行下去，都需要金钱作为后盾。它是生活的必需品。你必须拥有金钱。其余所有的东西都可以抛到一边。仅此而已！

Since, of course, it's not your own fault you are alive. Once you are alive, money is a necessity, and the only absolute necessity. All the rest you can get along without, at a pinch. But not money. Emphatically, that's that!

当然，活在世上并不是你的错。可只要活着，就得有钱，它是世间唯一必不可少的东西。紧关截要时，其他的一切都可以抛开。而金钱除外。再度重申，仅此而已！

She thought of Michaelis, and the money she might have had with him; and even that she didn't want. She preferred the lesser amount which she helped Clifford to make by his writing. That she actually helped to make. 'Clifford and I together, we make twelve hundred a year out of writing'; so she put it to herself. Make money! Make it! Out of nowhere. Wring it out of the thin air! The last feat to be humanly proud of! The rest all—my—eye—Betty—Martin.

她回忆起米凯利斯，想到与他私奔后可能会拥有的财富；但即使如此，她仍然不稀罕！她宁愿帮助克利福德完成创作，以获得那为数不多的收入。那份钱里凝聚着她的心血。“我和克利福德共同努力，每年靠写作，就能赚回1200英镑。”她这样对自己说。赚钱！赚钱！无中生有。凭空杜撰！这是她生活中唯一可以标榜的事情！其他的都是鬼话连篇。

So she plodded home to Clifford, to join forces with him again, to make another story out of nothingness: and a story meant money. Clifford seemed to care very much whether his stories were considered first-class literature or not. Strictly, she didn't care. Nothing in it! said her father. Twelve hundred pounds last year! was the retort simple and final.

于是，她步履沉重地回到家中，回到克利福德身边，继续与他凭空捏造出又一部小说，一部能够换回金钱的小说。克利福德似乎很在意自己的小说是否被界定为一流作品。她却对此漠不关心。空洞无物！父亲如此评价。去年就挣回1200英镑！她的反驳简单而决绝。