第十章（第10/34页）

他那千番柔情都在思念着那个女人。那孤独无依的可怜女人，她从不知道自己多么地优雅善良，噢！那样善良的女人却遭遇如此艰难的命运。可怜的女人，她柔弱得像朵娇嫩的野风信子，怎么能跟那些现代女孩相比，她们如橡胶和铂金那般强韧。它们会将她摧毁！千真万确，它们会将她扼杀，就像扼杀所有天生柔弱的生命。柔弱！她那样柔弱，好像尚未长成的风信子，而这些恰恰是如今那些造作女子所无法比拟的。但他愿意倾尽所有心力，保护她一段时间。一段时间，直到残酷无情的钢铁世界和全副武装的贪欲之神将他俩吞噬，他与她都注定难逃劫数。

He went home with his gun and his dog, to the dark cottage, lit the lamp, started the fire, and ate his supper of bread and cheese, young onions and beer. He was alone, in a silence he loved. His room was clean and tidy, but rather stark. Yet the fire was bright, the hearth white, the petroleum lamp hung bright over the table, with its white oil-cloth. He tried to read a book about India, but tonight he could not read. He sat by the fire in his shirt-sleeves, not smoking, but with a mug of beer in reach. And he thought about Connie.

他挎着猎枪，带着爱犬，回到漆黑的农舍，点上油灯，燃起炉火，晚餐吃的是面包、奶酪和小洋葱，还喝了些啤酒。他孤单一人，重归笃爱的寂静之中。房间干净整洁，但却空荡荡的。然而，炉火通明，灶台洁净，饭桌铺着白色油布，煤油灯悬在桌子上方，将小屋照得亮堂堂的。他本想读本有关印度的书，但今晚却有些心不在焉。他身着长袖衬衣，坐在壁炉旁，香烟没有点燃，而手边却放着一大杯啤酒。他的心里全是康妮。

To tell the truth, he was sorry for what had happened, perhaps most for her sake. He had a sense of foreboding. No sense of wrong or sin; he was troubled by no conscience in that respect. He knew that conscience was chiefly fear of society, or fear of oneself. He was not afraid of himself. But he was quite consciously afraid of society, which he knew by instinct to be a malevolent, partly-insane beast.

说心里话，他为发生那档子事感到懊恼，或许主要是为她感到不值。他有种预感。他并不认为那样做是过错乃至罪恶，他从未在这方面受过良心的谴责。他知道，所谓是非之心不过是对社会的畏惧，或者对自我的胆怯。他从不害怕自我。但他却对社会充满敬畏，并将之视为几近疯狂的凶恶野兽，这样想完全出自本能。

The woman! If she could be there with him, arid there were nobody else in the world! The desire rose again, his penis began to stir like a live bird. At the same time an oppression, a dread of exposing himself and her to that outside Thing that sparkled viciously in the electric lights, weighed down his shoulders. She, poor young thing, was just a young female creature to him; but a young female creature whom he had gone into and whom he desired again.

那个女人！要是能与她朝夕相处，且世间再无他人，那该多好！欲望再度点燃，他的阳具兴奋起来，像只活蹦乱跳的鸟儿。与此同时，苦恼的情绪重重地压在他的肩头，担心自己与她再度暴露在外物面前，那东西在刺眼的灯光中闪烁着邪恶的光亮。她，那可怜的女人，对他而言，她不过是正处妙龄的姑娘，但却是曾承过他的雨露、且令他日思夜想的妙龄女子。

Stretching with the curious yawn of desire, for he had been alone and apart from man or woman for four years, he rose and took his coat again, and his gun, lowered the lamp and went out into the starry night, with the dog. Driven by desire and by dread of the malevolent Thing outside, he made his round in the wood, slowly, softly. He loved the darkness arid folded himself into it. It fitted the turgidity of his desire which, in spite of all, was like a riches; the stirring restlessness of his penis, the stirring fire in his loins! Oh, if only there were other men to be with, to fight that sparkling electric Thing outside there, to preserve the tenderness of life, the tenderness of women, and the natural riches of desire. If only there were men to fight side by side with! But the men were all outside there, glorying in the Thing, triumphing or being trodden down in the rush of mechanized greed or of greedy mechanism.

莫名的情欲在心中左冲右突，让他感到异常痛苦，因为过去四年间，他始终远离世人，孑然独居。他站起身来，披上外衣，拎起猎枪，将油灯捻暗，走进繁星点点的夜色，爱犬依然紧随其后。欲望挥之不去，恶毒的外物更让他惊恐万状，梅勒斯放缓步伐，高抬脚轻落足，在树林中来回巡视。他对黑暗饱含深情，此刻便再度投入它的怀抱。沉沉夜色让他情欲勃发，虽然会招致无休止的麻烦，但这欲望仍显得弥足珍贵，它没完没了地挑逗着他的阳具，将小腹处的火焰点得更旺。噢，要是有人能与他并肩作战该多好，对抗那电光闪耀的外物，让生命的温柔得以延续，让女性的体贴得以保存，让欲望的财富得以勃发。要是有人与他同仇敌忾该多好！但芸芸众生都站在他的对立面，对那怪物歌功颂德，当机械化的贪婪和贪婪的机械化横冲直撞，若不能奏凯而还，就只能被踏成齑粉。