第五章（第13/13页）

“哦，没错！我的确想。但要是说硬挺着苦等女人达到高潮对男人来讲是愉快的，那才是怪事呢……”这番抱怨是康妮有生以来遭受过的最大打击。她心底某些美好的东西毁于一旦。她以前并未对米凯利斯有过热切渴望，他主动勾引他之前，她没有过跨越雷池的想法。她好像从未十足地向往过他。但毕竟是他挑起了她的欲望，她也觉得从他身上得到满足是理所应当的。为此她差点陷入爱河……那个夜晚，她差点爱上他，甚至想要嫁给他。

Perhaps instinctively he knew it, and that was why he had to bring down the whole show with a smash; the house of cards. Her whole sexual feeling for him, or for any man, collapsed that night. Her life fell apart from his as completely as if he had never existed.

或许他本能地察觉到她的情感波动，才会将一切美好的憧憬、虚构的幻象击得粉碎。她对他，或者说对所有男人的欲望，在当晚都土崩瓦解。两人自此再无过往，就好像他在自己的生活中从未存在过。

And she went through the days drearily. There was nothing now but this empty treadmill of what Clifford called the integrated life, the long living together of two people, who are in the habit of being in the same house with one another.

她继续郁郁寡欢地过活。所有的梦想都已破灭，只剩克利福德口中的完美生活空洞单调地重复着，两个人无休无止地共同生活在一起，只是因为习惯了与彼此同住一室。

Nothingness! To accept the great nothingness of life seemed to be the one end of living. All the many busy and important little things that make up the grand sum-total of nothingness!

空虚！人生的最终结局似乎就是要接受这生命中漫无边际的空虚。而构成这巨大空虚实体的，则是所有那些纷乱繁复的琐事！